my boy"friend"

my boy"friend"

I love him, I love him so much that sometimes I hate him for loving him so much. I love that we get each other. I love that in the silence with him, I feel at peace. I love his face when he sleeps, and when he smiles, and when he laughs. I love that with him, I feel more comfortable then I have with anybody in a long time. I love that in a room full of people, he's all I see. I love that he's there in my mind when I fall asleep and when I wake. I love that even if he thinks I don't, I know him better than he thinks. I love that he loves me, and that with every touch he makes my heart flutter. And he's never been mine, and he probably never will. But I love that I have loved him so openly, and deeply and passionately. And I'm letting that go, because as much as I love him, it hurts so much to do so. And I cannot find true happiness, if my heart isn't open to that. And I forgive him for it, and I'm not angry anymore, because I have been there. I have felt the soreness of a bruised heart. I only wish that he would have let me be the one to bandage it. And breathe new life into him again. But I cannot do this to myself, because with each breath I give, I struggle to find my own breath again. He will always be here, with me. He is never far from my thoughts. He will always be a part of who I am in the future, and who I may never have been. He has taught me things that I never thought I'd know, or felt, or expierience. And for these things I am grateful.