lonely

lonely

It's funny, how, when you least want something....there it is staring you right in your face. When I was in a relationship, I used to want to be alone all of the time. Maybe I was with the wrong people, maybe, I just took it for granted, being with someone. Maybe, I just needed to see what it was like to be alone for real.

So, I live on my own, something I have never done. I have moments, when I come home after being gone either at work, or from a day with friends, and I come home to quiet, to how everything was when I left it, to a clean home, to the smell of coffee, to my home...and I get nostalgic, and I think how lonely that feels on some days. I sleep alone, and in my quiet home, it feels lonesome. But then I have some nights, where I enjoy it so much being here, alone, in a peaceful silence, away from everybody. I just hate being alone with my thoughts. Sometimes, it hurts, sometimes, I can just be sitting and think of something, and want to burst into tears. And sometimes I do.

People who I talk to, who are married, and have kids, tell me "Enjoy it", and I do, but there are moments that I feel like I've never felt before. I think this might be normal, the way I'm feeling, I just hope that soon, it doesn't feel abnormal.