Commitment

“When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there's no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?”~ Carrie Bradshaw

Do you have those moments, either alone, or with a friend, in a conversation or just in silence; when you have an AHA moment?!  Oh...you do? That's good. Because I had one today, and got a little bit of confirmation of it while Marie and I were sitting eating lunch after our walk. And what's funny, and I don't mean "Har Har" funny I mean....what's ironic is the "Aha" moment came after I was telling her about how I can't easily commit to a dining room decoration.  I mean seriously! A dining room set up?! 

Me: I will seriously be in the store with a basket full of things, be happy with my decision and then I turn around and see another idea, and question everything.
Marie:Ummmm...Kerry it sounds like you have a problem with committing!!
Me: Maybe that's my problem with men too. In the past, I've been happy with what I've got, and then something makes me question everything about the whole situation.
Marie:That is if you can commit to a blog.
Me:I have for almost a year. So, maybe things are looking up.

But, in all honesty.  I have a hard time committing, because maybe I feel a little bit like I'm settling--too soon.  Amy at A Matter Of Opinion, made me think about my crazy thoughts and think to myself "Kerry, stop acting so crazy, it's okay to not have the most popular or the most expensive, it's what you like, and this is a time in your life when you can do it all, and not have to answer for it." Thank you self.

I know I don't have a phobia of committing, it's just that maybe I, too often question myself.  I worry about getting hurt.  I worry--way to fucking much. About everything. My mind hates me.   And then, it just takes the fun right out of it all.  Up until last June, I couldn't even commit to a cell phone company.  So lame. 

This is the "Aha" moment I was talking about, realizing something has to change, or else I'll be a lonely woman, with no dining room decorations....and a blog.