Life's Lessons

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” `Alexander Graham Bell

There is nothing wrong with wishing you could do things over.  In all honesty, there are a handful of things that, if given the chance, I surely would.  I talk often about learning lessons, and life lessons, and the things I am shaped and molded by, and the choices I have made, good....or bad.  I try to talk openly about them so that you know, that I am a real person, with real emotions,  with a good heart, and with a real urgency to make my life great.  

Of  course, out of all of the things I want in my lifetime, I want to be able to look back and not want to hang my head in disbelief and think "What have I done with my life, why didn't I act sooner, do this better, see to it that this was done, be more proactive", and so far, I haven't.  I look at my life today, as I write this, and I know that the things I have dealt with, the people, the way things were done, were all a page written into my life.  And for all of these things, I am grateful.

I only have 1 regret, and that can be found over here.   I don't regret leaving my husband, because now, he's found happiness with his future soon to be wife, and his life is fulfilled, when really I know that I never could have been that for him.  I don't regret taking a leap of faith and moving down to Napa, because honestly, it's been a life changing event.  I don't regret, because really what good does that do.  But, I also don't compromise myself,  so I guess this would be a reason that I don't regret very many things.  While it may seem that I have a wild side, I use my logical thinking more than that of my emotional thinking.  And I know when things are introduced to me, if right away they are a smart idea.  I never have done drugs, or been promiscuous,  but there are a couple of things that, if given a chance to do over...I would.. But I don't sit and ponder over them, wishing I could have that day over again.  I don't run away from my choices, or put them behind me, in hopes that they won't resurface.   Because at one point or another that choice, and that experience was just what I needed and what I was choosing to do, at one point that choice was mine. 

 

I look at heartache and hurt as being a natural part of life, these are things that make us who we are today, how and who we choose to love, the friends we choose to make, the personal information we share.  I have left myself in a bad relationship in the past just because I was afraid to feel hurt....to feel sadness....to feel!  After a while once you are in a bad relationship, and you know it's toxic and awful, you become numb to everything.  So, to think that if you were to leave this behind, you'd actually feel something.  And that is a scary thought, if you aren't ready.  

The point I'm trying to make, is this: You can't run from your past, because it will catch up to you at some point.  You can't pretend that that part of you life didn't happen, because it did, and that's why you are who you are today, that is why you make choices more carefully now.  The best thing you can do for yourself, the best thing I can do for MYSELF is make my life choices about me, because in the end, that's all that will matter, and I want to re-tell my story with a smile on my face, knowing full well, that I am me for this or that, and no one can take that away from me.

Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got.**Janis Joplin**