letting it go

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”~Catherine Ponder

You know that moment when you just feel like it's time to finally just say "I'm done."   It's not a defeated, deflated, giving up "I'm done." But more of a I'm done being exhausted with this silly nonsense.  When the anger isn't even there anymore, but you are used to just having it sit deep in your mind and heart, and one day you wake up or are sitting there, and you aren't even angry anymore, you have just been used to having it there this whole time you hadn't even checked yourself lately to see if you felt it anymore?  

 

Well, that's how I've been feeling for a few  months, until about 2 weeks ago, when I was gone on my trip, and I just was sitting at lunch one day and a brief thought went through my mind, and I realized I just didn't care anymore. I didn't have that negative, pissed off feeling.  The anger and the snarkiness of that person, and those feelings, were gone, and had subsided, and what was left wasn't even a gaping hole, instead it was filled with a new outlook for my life.  For what I wanted, want, and have in my life now, and in the future.  

 

I don't even know when it went away, because I was so used to having it there, always, deep inside of my heart.  But not anymore, and for that I am so, so thankful.  I am at peace with my decisions, with my life, and what I am doing with it all.

 

~K

Ways to Live Like Kerry......

Not because I'm narcissistic, because I'm not....this is my second form of therapy, in writing, and besides, my therapist, says its good to write, to see where you are in life....GASP....**Whisper*** she said THERAPIST!!!  Yes....yes...that is right. And you'll hear more about that....later.  Anyway,  I decided to write a quick list of ways you could live in a day in the life of me, Kerry Peck.  :)

*Always, always as often as you can, sing your words...for example....walk into a room, and say sing....HELLLOOOOOO!!!!!!!  I have done it always, especially after being a cheerleader for 2 years and cheering my words...all the time....HELLOOOOOOOOO......will always make everyone smile!!

*Love passionately.

*Remember where you came from, and don't try to be who you aren't, it doesn't look good on you..

*Have celebrity crushes, and don't be ashamed to admit it.

*Ask questions

*Have an unhealthy obsession with your iPhone. If you don't have said iPhone...well then, you.are.missing.out!!! **sorry**

*Talk to your cat, or dog.  But it's healthy, I read it in a book....somewhere. ;-)

*Be amazing at cooking without recipes. Thanks mom and dad. xo

*Share

*Do not, NOT get into a line of "10 items or less", even if you have only 11 items....I was all the way to the front the other day at Nob Hill....counted my items....12 items, and one of them was a pack of gum, I got out of said line...EMBARRASSING!!! HA.

*Take long runs, anywhere, everywhere, all the time...alone.

*Start a book...don't finish it.

*Do, DO have a set laundry day...mine=MONDAYS.

*Love, LOVE to write.

*Make yourself laugh...ALL THE TIME!!!

*Don't be afraid to cry

*Hate DIET soda!! GROSS.

*Be open, and honest about you, be proud of who you are, and what you've endured.

who's life is this

Somedays, I wonder...When did I get HERE, HOW, WHY?  Not in a bad way, not at all.  But today, I was thinking, that just 4 years ago...I was in Kansas City with my (Ex) husband....visiting Sandy and Nani, (no sons yet) and Brian. 1 year before that, Arizona for an emergency with EXH1's grandpa. 2 years before that..I was at a funeral for a co-worker.  I could go on to tell you what I was doing last year, and the year before, but I won't because it's super rain-manish, and sometimes it makes people look at me with a crease in their brow.

Now, same date, as all of the above....I live alone (happily), in my PERFECT apartment, in NAPA, just 45 minutes from my favorite city, and 2 hours from everything else.  I've got my  bedroom exactly the way I want it...busy....I'm talking about my decor ;-).....and I finally have my Peacock bathroom. I have a wine rack full of wine that I love. I am surrounded by friends that I have made on my own. I'm traveling this year. I have my cat, who thinks he's a dog, and my nail polish collection, and shoe collection growing on a weekly basis.  I love my life right now.  I'm organizing my life this year & getting ready for a class reunion.  I do think to myself...when did I get here, but I think of it with elation!! I may not be familiar with this life yet, but I think I'm starting to get comfortable, and I'm so thankful for all of it.

I don't mind being single, as long as I'm not alone.

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy girl who'll decide where to go."
- Dr. Seuss

Don't let my title deceive you.  I am not a co-dependent, I don't need to be with somebody, just anybody, but what I mean by that, is that, I think when I was first single....I really found myself lost.  I had never been single before!  I found myself wondering what to do, thinking people who aren't single won't want to be friends with the single girl.  But in the last few months, I've really found solace in my friends, both coupled, and not.

I am running again, which is taking me to the Shamrockin' Half Marathon in West Sac. with my friend Rachael from Redding, and it is also taking me to San Francisco for the Bay to Breakers 7 miler with my other friend, we're pretty sure soul mates..AND neighbor Rach...both runners, both Rachaels!! The Rachael that lives here has really opened me up to a lot of things, we are planning a trip to Vegas in April, and we both LOVE musicals, something that I have never had in a friend before...oh Rachael..you've won my heart!

 Rachael number 2 and I in S.F.

I am finding things to volunteer for, I am going to start time for clearing trails at state parks for hikers in Marin, can't wait for that.  I am going to start horseback riding in March, and I'm visiting my family more. I'm listening to myself more, of what I need to be peaceful, and happy.

I don't mind being single, in fact, I like it. I live for me right now, and why shouldn't I?! But as long as I'm living....then I'm perfectly fine with where I am, single, but not alone, wanting, not needing, hopeful....not hopeless.