peace

Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.
~Elizabeth Gilbert Eat, Pray, Love

He got married yesterday. My ex husband.  I thought about it, leading up to this day.  What it would feel like, how I’d feel about the whole thing.  And actually, I was okay with it all.  At work, I told people what the day was.  During the afternoon, I remembered the day we got married, and how I knew it was “just the next step”, I also remember the day I finally told him I wanted to end it all.  I remember where we were, and what time of the year it was. 

Here are the answers to the questions I was asked yesterday. No, it doesn’t make me sad that he got remarried, I am thankful for his kind of love and I am glad that he has found someone that makes him so happy.  Yes, its a weird feeling. No, I don’t miss him. Yes, I know the girl he got married to, we all went to high school together. No, I don’t still have feelings for him, in fact I fell out of love with him before we even got married, I just though maybe it’d come back.  Yes, I did like being a wife, surprisingly. No, I don’t miss my old life.

There are days, that I think where is my happy ending…but I am still creating it.  I am not ready for an “ending”, because I am living.  And I’m loving this life.  I do miss that “in love” feeling.  But, I also like the crazy, happy, feeling of the new love, the getting to know you love.  The obsessed love.  And someday my happy ending will come, and I’ll know that I’m ready for that. 

However soon, or far away it is, I will welcome it with open arms.