who could it be knocking at my door?

 Have you ever had one of those moments, where you walk by a mirror and see yourself in the mirror, do a double take and say to yourself, "Who the fuck is that, and why am I wearing skinny jeans, flats, and drinking a VENTI soy chai from a Starbizzle cup?"  Oh....well, if you haven't then you're lucky.  But if you have, then you know what I am talking about.

It's called the quarterlife crisis, and I'm pretty sure I am shoulder deep in it.  It's no urban legend, or myth, not a tall tale, or excuse to feel like you are going ape shit, crazy out of your mind, it's real, like as real as my anxiety attacks that come along with it. There are even books out there to tell you how to know you're dealing with one, how you know how to deal with it, and to just let you know...that quite frankly, you aren't the only one...so (Pat, Pat on the head, there, there dear, you'll be just fine, you'll make it out of this a-okay). 

It's ridiculous.  This last weekend, I was at a store, shopping, and I am looking at some of the clothes that are the "thing" to wear right now, and I am thinking "seriously?! Who wears this shit", and then I turn around and I see just a bunch of girls, wearing it.  I can't remember the last time somebody dressed me, or picked out my clothes for me, but clearly that's what these girls were doing.  It's like they walk in to the store and see no other option than to pick the leggings, and the hideous flower long shirt, that could be a dress, but you aren't really sure, so you wear leggings so you won't look like such a ho, but instead you just look like a poser, a robot poser that dresses just like everyone else.  I then looked at myself, and was like...what the hell am I wearing!?! And why?!  I used to be a cute pair of jeans and t-shirt or tank top kind of gal!! 

My quarterlife crisis came right after my 23 birthday.  I stressed to the max, and my hair was starting to fall out.  I Had just gotten divorced, and I was already dating, and dating older men, like I knew that was what I wanted!  I didn't know it then, but I was sort of wading into my quarterlife crisis.

The biggest problem that the twenty something has is the whole "Figuring what I am here for, who I am, and what it is I am put on this earth to do" question.


For me, this isn't the problem. The problem is realistically BEING who I already know I am, and who I want to be. Is that every one's problem?? Or are some people walking around like, "Who am I? Who am I?" I am very in tune and very aware of WHO I am, and what I love and don't, what fulfills me, where I find my happiness....however, on paper, I would seem like a carefree spirit, wanting to travel, without a budget, without a care in the world for anybody but myself, telling crazy ass stories that sound mostly like lies, (but are actually true) opening large animal shelters, while baking gourmet recipes, writing and living.  It's a matter of being able to do what it is I really want to do, versus, in reality what it is I have to do in order to not be a bum, living on the sidewalk holding a cardboard sign.


Having the "I wanna be, and appear to be perfect too all of my peers" syndrome,   like many of us Twentysomething's often get us to a point, where you are choosing to be a "yes" person, while sacrificing the inner/outer aspects that may suffer as a result: family, friends, personal fulfillment... If it isn't the other road is finding/acknowledging that WORK isn't what your sole purpose is in life is, because you find your joy in other areas as well.

While learning to be a "real Adult" you know...the kind with a job, and money in my bank account, and friends, and some sort of social outlet..... but keeping my life fulfilling, and real, and true to myself, the words of my dad come into my head around the time of my divorce. "Kerry, you're wearing yourself out, stop trying to be so perfect, and competitive all the time." I think we all need to take a step back and see what balances us out, what makes me, me, and you.....you.

California Coast

I am a California Native, most things to see in California, I've probably seen them.  Mostly in part to my parents who, on a whim, would throw me and my brother into the back seat of their car, and drive on day trips, weekend trips, and in May every year, a week trip.  I've driven up and down the California Coast Line dozens and dozens of times, I've camped in all parts of California, I've skiied on all of the mountains from Pinecrest to Tahoe, I've swam in the ocean as far North as Fort Bragg, down to the border of San Diego and Mexico, but I never get bored, and seeing the beautiful state I live in, never gets old.

Me on Hwy 1. Right above Ano Nuevo Beach.

A very cold, a very grumpy pelican!

 A seal swimming below me from the Pier.

This last weekend, I decided to bust out my new camera, get out of town and be all touristy.  I went to Santa Cruz, CA.  A town that I spent a lot of my youngest years in.  My cousins grew up in Boulder Creek I'd visit them for weeks at a time, and my parents had a beach house in  Aptos. A place where I have many photos, and video, and memories.  They even have a Cement Ship , docked off of Seacliff pier.  Before they closed it off to visitors, my brother and I used to walk around on this ship and see and hear the birds and the seals.  And just below Santa Cruz, is the small town of Capitola.  This whole region brings back many memories for me, as a child and as a teenager. 


The city of Santa Cruz is busy, but if you go down to the beaches, and especially at this time of the year, it's pretty empty, and I was lucky enough to have perfect weather for the trip.  The boardwalk was open, but I didn't get to go. The Giant Dipper was once a ride that I would ride on over and over with my dad.

The Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk from the Pier.

It's also whale watching season, but it's rare to see a whale when you are on shore, that is what I found out through a local, although it isn't completely impossible.  There were surfers, and the biggest waves I've ever seen at the ocean in years.  I even got within 10 feet of an Elephant Seal just chilling on the beach. So big, and fat, and beautiful. What an experience. 

An Elephant Seal!

 Natural Bridges State Beach

I can't seem to get enough of how much beauty lies on the coast line.  And although I've been back over and over again, I still am in awe every time.

Who loves Sushi? Edama (Me!!!)

New Years day proved to be a nice start to a great year.  Like I said I went to my dads, and was greeted at the door with a mmm.....mimosa!! Oh how I love champagne!  And, a little boost of vitamin C never hurt either.  Sat, visited, drank, I think they were trying to cure a hangover, I was just getting started on my drink in take for the night.  I planned a dinner with my mom, and my brothers girl friend, and so we met at the Rawbar in Chico.  Yum.  And my brother Bryan works there too.  I love anything Japanese, which my mom would look at me baffled if I say that to her now, because I used to A) be afraid of Miso soup...it moves...soup that moves is creepy, it used to be at least. And B) I used to gag at the thought of Sushi, but now I crave it pretty much every day, and I love Edamame. I loved my Spicy Tuna Roll, and ate Caviar for the first time...meh...whatever, what's the big deal?!
  I hadn't seen my mom in too long, and got to check out the boys at the Rawbar, but my brother totally bro-blocks me every time!! So maddening.  I had a good time, got home to my dads, and relaxed, watching my hero...Chelsea Handler!!  Happy New Year, now the fun starts.