a-dios amigos....for now anyway

Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.

~Joseph Campbell

 

But, I will return.  Stay tuned. ;-)

Quote of the Day

“Whatever life takes away from you, let it go. When you surrender and let go of the past, you allow yourself to be fully alive in the moment. Letting go of the past means you can enjoy the dream that is happening right now.”

 -don Miguel Riuz.

Napa

"Wine to me is passion.  It's family and friends. It's warmth of heart and generosity of spirit. Wine is art. It's culture........"

Robert Mondavi 

What a wonderful weekend.  Familiar faces from home visiting here in Napa.  I felt like I was on a much needed vacation-- and I loved it.  Good food, great wine and even better than all of that, my wonderful friends. 

Cheers.

Publish Post

Quote of the Day

Hardest Thing I've Learned

"Change is never easy. You fight to hold on. You fight to let go.”

~ The Wonder Years~

If there is one thing I have learned for sure about myself these last few years, is I have a hard time with change.  Especially when it comes to change that I have no control over.  Remember when we were kids, and all our life consisted every year of change.  It's like we never even had a clue.  Friends would come and go.  Our classes would be different.  We'd split up with our "Boyfriends", we'd get new teachers.  I was lucky enough in my childhood to live in the same town, live in the same house since I was 3, and for the most part have the same closest friends.  In fact, I am still friends with someone who I have been friends with since I was 4 at Kindergarten.  She was the first sleep over I ever had.  She is all grown up now, and has 2 lil munchkins, but she'll always be a part of my life. 

My biggest change was probably when my parents got a divorce.  I was 10.  And my mom left for a while.  I liked the change a little because my dad would let me have sleep overs on school nights, because he thought it'd be healthy for me.  But, I remember when they first split up, how devastated I was.  I remember thinking; that my mom would no longer be my mom, or my cousins wouldn't be mine anymore.  But, as time went on I grew accustomed to this change, and now, I wouldn't know life any other way. 


In the most recent years, the biggest changes have taken  place in my life.  I got divorced, I moved out of my hometown, I've made my own little family down here.  I said goodbye to 3 great kids, who once in a while will catch me off guard, and I'll miss them even more than I thought I ever would.  But, like I always do, I bounce back stronger, and better prepared for the future.  Or do I?  

Right now, I am going through a change....one of my closest friends is getting ready to take one of the biggest journeys of their life, and starting a career path that I can only be happy for.  But, there is a huge gap in my life without them.  And, without them on some days I feel lost, and lonely.  And wonder, will they miss me half as much as I will miss them.  I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I am not afraid to show anyone...my feelings, or my emotions.  But, with this person, I am forever grateful for being one of my closest friends, during some of my hardest times.  They are like a family member to me, and for that I am lucky.  

Some days, I will be fine, and without warning, I will think of all the changes ahead, and just burst into tears. I think the hardest thing I have learned is that while change for the most part is good for us, both physically, emotionally and mentally....it is also one of the hardest things to go through, even if you think you are ready for it.  Sometimes it will just hit me like a ton of bricks.

Maybe as an adult it's harder to adapt to change, because it makes you realize just how out of our hands some things can be.  It's a scary thought.  But, for all of the memories that I have, and the ones that I am sure to come,  I am grateful.  I know that I will be okay, I always am.  It's just a hard thing sometimes realizing you're human, and really...things will happen the way they happen, and you can only control them so far, until you have to just go with the flow. 

Don't let me down

I have my moments when I think I hate you, where my life would be so much more better off without you.  I'd rather be alone then feel such frustration.  I have days, where I never want to hear your name spoken to me again, or hear my name roll out of your mouth.  These are the days, that I can't stand you, and cry...and weep and wonder what it is I want in life, in general. You are the most stubborn person I've ever met, besides myself, and it drives me absolutely out of my mind.

But more often, then those times...I can't wait to hear from you again, to hug your neck, see your face, sit next to you watching T.V., have conversations,to hear you say you love me again,  have coffee in the mornings, order in, sit quietly...reading, make a plan, learn about your life, what you want, what you used to dream of, what you still do dream for. Laugh at inside jokes.  And these are the days that out-weigh the bad, and make everything okay.  And make me believe in you, and love, and life, and kindness, and strength, and forgiveness, and peace.

As much as you drive me ape shit, pulling my hair out of my head, red faced insane, I still go crazy for you each time you walk in through the door.