escape

when I lived in Chico, I couldn't wait to leave.  I looked for any way to get out, for a day, for a week....forever.  I would look on Craigslist, I'd dream of escaping.  ESCAPING.  as though I was being held prisoner there.  Like it was really that horrible.  When I found a way to escape, I took it.  And, so began my new life as I know now.

After I moved to Napa, I didn't return home again for 4 months.  I was where I wanted to be.  And the only reason I went home was because it was Christmas.  Not even 6 months after that, my new life wasn't anything like I had thought it would be.  I was sad.  But I knew I had to grow up and stop running.  A lot of things happened, but I always noticed one thing, when things were hard, when things went wrong, or things weren't working out the way I thought they were...I'd run, want to run, make plans always to run...home. 

When I went home, as a single girl I always had fun...sometimes too much fun.  I met fun people, reunited with old flames...I was single, I was having a lot of fun, and getting out of Napa, where drama seemed to surround me.  last week, when things started to not go my way, things started to get stressful at home, at work...with my main squeeze, I wanted to go home, surround myself with my friends that could make me laugh, but knowing full well that the whole time I was gone, all I'd do was think of him, think of the problems that I was escaping. 

I woke up the day I was supposed to leave, and changed my mind.  I was staying here, staying where home is now.  With my two favorite boys, and whatever problems, whatever there was to work on, that was going to be worked on, talked through...dealt with. 

I want Chico, to be a place to go for fun not a place to go to escape the life I've been a part of creating.  Something that so long ago I yearned for and now I have.  Instead, that day I met a friend half way in Roseville for some shopping and eating.  And that night, I came home to where my life is. 

good life

'Cause  hopelessly

The hope is we have so much to feel good about

Oh this has gotta be the good life

This has gotta be the good life

This could really be a good life, good life

ONE REPUBLIC

I don't know that I'll be back on here for a bit my friends. Starting next Wednesday, I'm off of work for 2 weeks!!!!   I'm headed home for a few days and then headed South to San Diego with my bubs.  I'm sure I'll have a few blog entries for those adventures.  Until then, I hope your summer starts out well.  

Love always

Kerry 

I know

sometimes, when I'm alone with my thoughts, I go to all the places I've been, the people that I love, and who love me in return. 

sometimes, when I am done with the day, and I'm home, quietly waiting for sleep, it takes my breath away of how much I'm loved. 

 every once in a while I'm caught off guard with these thoughts.  it's usually after a visit--here, or away.  tonight, while waiting for dinner, I had one of those moments.  Maybe it's that, maybe it's my move this weekend....maybe...but...

I know I'm loved...very much
I know I'm missed
I know how important I am to my friends, my family, my love.....
I know. 
And for that, I'm thankful

5/08/11

Home

"Cities force growth and make people talkative and entertaining, but they also make them artificial." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I used to hate to admit it.  Yes, I am a small town girl.  Born and raised.  I couldn't wait to leave my town, and move away.  At least that is what I thought in high school, when the very thought of becoming a Native Paradisian sort of made my stomach turn a little LOT with anxiety.  I grew up with the same kids from day care, and graduated with them in 2000.  Once I lived on my own, I still wasn't satisfied that I was making any sort of change in my life, or, for that matter moving forward.  I used to want to move to Los Angeles or NYC, maybe start off slow, and move to San Francisco.  But, then I bought a business, and owned it in Chico for 3 years.  It was...to say the least an expeirence.  A bunch of spoiled rotten college girls living on mommy and daddy's dollar.  Wait, no, that was just my employees. Bitches!!!

 I, for the most part loved all of my customers, and at one point considered writing a tell-all book of the things I've seen, that I cannot un-see.  Seriously....YIKES! 

Anyway, once I was married, and in Chico, I felt a little better, but still, I knew that where I was, wasn't where I belonged, and where I was wasn't where I was going to stay.  So, after my divorce, and living back at my moms, or on my brothers couch, or in my friends' spare room, I knew that the biggest risk I would be taking would be staying in the small town that I, and my ex-husband grew up in.  I knew that if I didn't leave then, I probably would never leave.  So, with a leap of faith, and a fantasy of far away places, I packed up my U-Haul truck and drove 2 1/2 hours to Napa, all alone, in a hot truck, with only a radio player, and no A/C. 

I immediately was in love with the fact that I lived so close to EVERYTHING.  The ocean, the city, the snow, the forest...everything was here, with me, within a 2-3 hour drive.  But, soon, I realized that every town has it's drama, and every town has it's natives born and raised.  Not just Paradise. 

BUT........

I'll take a small town any day over a big city, because the way I see it, and what I've seen, big cities make small town girls and boys, fake.  They force you to dress a certain way, spend a certain way, eat at certain places.  It's different for people who grew up in the city, it's just a place to call home, I have friends in San Francisco who just don't see the attractions in what the "transplants" do.  When people move away from small towns, to live in big cities, it's like a stage to them, to show off what they are doing.  Visiting to me, sounds much more appealing.  It keeps the Disneyland Effect going. 

After living in Napa for 3 years, I've realized that my hometown is no worse than any other, no matter the state, the location, the population. And, in fact my hometown is better, because I can always go back. Back to my memories, my parents, my brothers.